Pieism: The Official Site

Embrace the Pie!

Pieism: The Basics

Pieism, also sometimes known as JoJo Pieism, was founded on 10th March 2006. Our Pieism has just one church, the Church of JoJo Pieism, which was formed in its current state as the merger between the original Church of JoJo Pieism, the New Followers of the Holy Pie and the Cult of Pie. Due to the lack of activity on the websites of other churches and sects of Pieism, we think it is very likely that this church is the only major sect of Pieism which is still active and growing.

One of our church's defining beliefs is that we belief the holy Pie has come to Earth in the form of a man who we call the JoJo. His duty is to spread Pieism, teach humanity, sacrifice himself for the good of all mortals and eventually to destroy the Anti-Pie, the forces of evil which oppose the Pie itself. We also believe that the collective evil that forms the Anti-Pie has created some sort of "Anti-JoJo, a leader to spread evil and suffering and to oppose the JoJo, we also refer to him as 'Parukia'. 

We believe the lobster race has a special role for the holy Pie, it is primarily they who serve in the Pie's army and populate a secret Kingdom that is centred on Mars with colonies on Earth and it's Moon. The lobsters are accompanied by the fatling, pug and droid races, who all hide so humanity can grow without ever realising how much the guiding hand of the Pie protects them.

Key Beliefs

    The Pieist's Prayer

    I believe in Pie,
    the Crust almighty,
    Creator of Earth and Mars,
    and in the JoJo, it's Incarnate, our Lord,
    who was conceived by the Holy Gods,
    born of the nation England,
    suffered under Parukia the Anti-JoJo,
    was baked in a pie and feasted upon;
    he descended into the underworld;
    on the third day he rose again from the dead;
    he ascended into space,
    and is seated on the right dish of the almighty Pie;
    from there he will come to save us on Judgement Day.
    I believe in the Holy Gods,
    the blessed Pieist Church,
    the resurrection of beings,
    the forgiveness of wrongs,
    the resurrection of the JoJo,
    and life everlasting. Amen.

The Eight Commandments of the JoJo

1 )Thou shall hold no gods above the holy Pie

2) Thou shall not assault, murder or otherwise harm a fellow sapient mortal without just reason

3) Thou shall not steal or take possession of property that does not belong to thee

4) Thou shall not allow any sentient being to experience undue suffering

5) Thou shall not oppress freedom of speech, assembly or worship at any time

6) Thou shall treat all food with respect

7) Thou shall eat pie at-least once a month

8) Thou shall spread the teachings of the Pie whenever possible

The Holy Days of Pieism

  • 1st January : New Pie day : Celebrates the creation of the Universe by the Pie.
  • 28th February : Lobster day : Celebrates the great Lobster god.
  • 10th March : Pieism day : Celebrates the founding of Pieism.
  • 16th April : New Life day : Celebrates the Pie making the first life.
  • 3rd May : All Foods day : Celebrates all food, pie or otherwise.
  • 14th June : Genghis day : Celebrates the sacrifice of Genghis Khan in the 13th century.
  • 25th July : Technology day : Celebrates all the technology we have now and will acquire in the future.
  • 9th August : Bodyguard day : Celebrates the birth and life of the Bodyguard.
  • 30th August : JoJo day : Celebrates the birth and life of the JoJo.
  • 10th September : Reformation day: Celebrates the continued evolution and reformation of Pieism.
  • 21st September : Pokemon day : Celebrates the miracle of Pokemon.
  • 11th October : Tabby Fat day : Celebrates Tabby Fat.
  • 5th November : Anti-Traitor day : Celebrates the failure of traitors such as Judas, Guy Falkes and Jojo Misawoki.
  • 4th December : Gods day : Celebrates the four gods who do not have their own holy day.
  • 25th December : Khanmas day : Celebrates the birth of Genghis Khan on Earth.

Becoming a Pieist

We are still striving to become even greater, more and more people are flocking to us. Join us and you get the following benefits:

  • A certificate of membership
  • Become a powerful spirit when you die 
  • Get a cool Pie god to worship
  • Protection and luck from the gods themselves
  • Several holy books to refer to
  • A whole new set of beliefs to get your head round (you thought Christianity was confusing)

Don't worry if you come from another Pieism sect or are unsure about a few details here and there ... as long as you worship the Pie and accept our key beliefs you too can join!